I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
