If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
