Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I would ride that face into the sunset
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
