to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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