Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
