Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
