I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
