Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i wish my penis had a tongue
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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