Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
