Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
