I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
