You just made me feel so damn special
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
