Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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