omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
