For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
