what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
