my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
