I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
