yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
