I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
The power of my boobs compel you
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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