I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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