She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
