perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
