dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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