I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize