I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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