Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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