We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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