arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
