We got so high we made milksteak
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize