He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize