we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
it glows. i had to have it.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Text me some of your sweat
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
