I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
