I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
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