His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
you had me at cake vodka
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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