The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
