Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
