Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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