More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
