Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
