The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize