trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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