Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
