Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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