I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
