RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
you mean i was at the winter classic?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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