You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
