Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
40s are totally the cure
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Randomize
