Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
