who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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