I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
