I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
