I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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