if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
