I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize