called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
