i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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