normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
