I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
