He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
