is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
