he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
