Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
