laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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