...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
