I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
