spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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