So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
