My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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